advice · journal

WTF Cractpot!

via Daily Prompt: Pursue

Recently I’ve found myself grasping for inspiration.  It’s not that I’m blocked exactly, in fact it’s almost the opposite.  The horizon is so clear that I can see for miles, I’m just not sure what I’m suppose to be looking for.  Sometimes, the best writing comes from the worst situations, but lately life has been just pleasantly passing me by.   I’ve been plagued with a sort of ennui that weighs on my mind and slows my reactions.  Weeks passed before I even realized I was sinking into the vague sort of depression that only sneaks up on you when things get too easy. 

Disgusted with myself, I decided to open the computer and vowed to stare at the screen until something developed.  Wordpress offered up ‘pursue’ as the daily prompt and it served as a reminder that my life seemed to have stalled and seemed as good a goal as any to get myself moving.  I knew right away what I wanted to write about, but every word was a struggle.  I wrestled my points onto the page with more determination than skill really.  More than once I contemplated giving up, but a sense of responsibility kept me focused and eventually my tenacity paid off.  I had constructed something that wasn’t exactly a work of art, but felt strong, and sturdy and safe enough to attach my name to and sail out into the world.  As I prepared to press publish I was less proud of what I wrote, than that I wrote it.  I reminded myself that sometimes it’s not the product but the process.  It wasn’t pretty, but it got me across the finish line, and that felt like enough. 

Unfortunately something went wrong.  A technical glitch in the system and a goal that I had spent the better part of the day clumsily pursuing, disappeared without a trace.   The entire post lost in the blink of an eye. 

Obviously I went through a full range of emotions…shock, denial, anger…the pattern was so predictable that I might have laughed if I wasn’t so distracted, desperately trying to hold onto something that was no longer there.

Logically I knew that acceptance was the only place left to go, but as difficult as pursuing a goal can be, apparently letting go of one is equally hard. 

As children, unless you are lucky enough to find yourself naturally gifted in everything, you are taught that hard work and perseverance can overcome any deficits in your character.  If you’re a sub par baseball player, you practice until you make the team.  If you struggle with math, you get a tutor to pass the course. If at first you don’t succeed, you try, try again.  We are taught that the most powerful people do not dream about success, they work for it.  That every mountain top is within reach if you just keep climbing and I truly believe that if you set your mind to it, and work hard enough, you can achieve anything you want.  What a powerful and liberating thought. 

So how then does a blog about failure fit into that equation.  Am I really changing the definition of ‘failing’ if my overall message is to pick yourself up and try again, over and over, until you eventually succeed?  WTF!  Apart from a more obvious acronym,  this also stands for Willing To Fail.  It’s a glorious middle finger to the perfection of society and the common convention that we are suppose to leave life to the experts.  This blog was suppose to encourage that.  It was an open invitation for anybody to jump in and start splashing around, and a promise that I would be there, standing on the side lines, cheering you on towards the finish line.    

But how does that help anyone stuck in an unhealthy relationship?  What kind of comfort is that to people drowning in situations that don’t appreciate them.  Even a blog devoted to failure, failed to recognize that in an attempt to be different it somehow managed to stay the same.  Be it careers, or commitments (or missing blog posts) there is such an intrinsic compulsion to conquer, that it’s easy to overlook that there is always another option.  At any time we can decide to just step out of the race. 

So today’s message is a reminder that you win some and you lose some  (quite literally when it comes to blog posts).   A warning to not get so distracted with perfecting your stroke, that you forget to pay attention to where you’re going.  A disclaimer that life is a deck of cards that’s constantly being shuffled and even the safest bet offers no guarantees.  Sometimes you need to put your nose to the grindstone and work it out, and sometimes the best you can do is throw your hands into the air and give it up. Who knows how you’re suppose to decide which one is right…certainly not a Cractpot from Canada.   So if you stopped by looking for encouragement I’ll go get my pom poms, but if you’re looking for someone to hold your hand while you light the match and watch it all burn, just give me a second to grab the marshmallows.  I have zero plans and nothing but time so let me know what you need…because we’re all in this together…and I’m always looking for suggestions…

T
Be still like a mountain and flow like a great river~Lao Tzu

 

 

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27 thoughts on “WTF Cractpot!

    1. Thank you ❤ Nothing like life pulling the rug out from under your feet when you least expect it! I could either lie on the floor and have a tantrum or appreciate the new perspective (truth be told…I did a little of both lol)

      Liked by 1 person

  1. O.M. girlfriend! I’m not sure I can completely capture here all the ways that this post is exactly what I needed to “hear” (see/read) today, but I’ll try to share something coherent. As a new blogger trying to finish the 14-day Blogging University Beginner’s course (cramming 14 days into 30+ days so far), I’m at that point of trying to blog something based on the Daily Prompt, so I immediately connected with your effort to do the same (no luck so far in being inspired yet). I’ve also had a thought (I’ve been trying to ignore) that questions if I’m just being too perfectionistic and thus intimidating myself out of writing anything. So, I am encouraged by this post! Admittedly, you had me worried with that title acronym, but I was thrilled to see a better use for those 3 letters! I think I need to keep this post handy, come back to if often, and let it encourage and remind me of all this good advice for all kinds of life situations (not just writing) whenever I feel stuck! Thanks!!!!

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    1. We’re never allowed to just deal with one thing at a time are we? If I try to keep my eyes on my feet to stop myself from tripping, I’m just asking to walk into a wall lol I guess at the end of the day it’s all about balance…and what better way to keep your footing than with the amazing foundation that wordpress offers! Good luck!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. On the flip side, when kids are told they’re gifted they tend to kind of coast on that until they hit a wall and suddenly things aren’t so easy anymore, and they plateau. That’s how I was with playing the clarinet, and with math. There were some I-hate-this-particular-teacher factors in there as well, but hitting that wall produces some real motivational burnout that can hang around for ages. It’s an unwillingness to fail because everyone keeps telling you you’re a success.

    Great emergency the-internet-ate-my-post backup post!

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    1. I played the clarinet as a kid too!!! Sadly that’s were the similarities end…I would have given anything to find math easy! To this day, numbers still stress me out! I guess we all have our own walls to knock down but can we maybe just put that off until tomorrow…because gigglingfattie brought smores!!! So burn baby, burn!

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    1. The ‘eaten’ post was about balance. The golden mean, the middle path…but no matter how many times I lecture myself about silver linings, ying and yang, good and bad…I keep looking for a happy ending without the work…wait…can’t you just pay a little extra for one of those in a shady massage parlour? 😉

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  3. You handled losing your blog post like a champ, and I am impressed with your ability to see the positive in an experience that could have defeated you. After all that effort and hard work, you were able to let it go and write this beautiful post. You are very inspiring and though I am sorry you lost what you wrote, I am thankful to you for sharing your experience with all of us!

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    1. Thank you! I actually handled it super poorly in real life. I was in a VERY bad mood but it’s so much easier to be rational in written form. If only life offered a delete button. Then when I bite my poor unsuspecting husband’s head off, I can realize how harsh I sound and just backspace and try again lol

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  4. I have to say, this sentiment rang true: “WTF! Apart from a more obvious acronym, this also stands for Willing To Fail. It’s a glorious middle finger to the perfection of society and the common convention that we are suppose to leave life to the experts.”

    Although, some days, I’d welcome an expert to step in and take over and show me how it’s supposed to be done. Just for the contrast.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I relly wish I would have seen this post earlier. I absolutely relate to the simmering pressure to produce all the while, cocooned in that haze of ennui. Finally, put finger to keyboard to sound my barbaric yawp (not nearly as articulately as you have) and the catharsis was palpable. So you’re right. Being willing to fail has its own inherent rewards.

    Bummer about losing your initial material, but for selfish reasons, I’m so grateful so shared what you did. Really resonated with me in a way that makes this shriveled ol’ heart hum.

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  6. Soooo, my computer has this weird glitch where it deletes everything I just wrote in the press of one button. I just wrote you a novel about how much this resonated, how I feel almost paralyzed with fear that this place I’m in, after surviving a hell that most people could not imagine, will fade away as quickly as it has resurfaced. I started writing because of it, what if I can’t anymore because I’m not in that state of acute pain that forced me to have to bleed it out on my computer..what if I can’t write about the good the way I do about the bad? But the only thing I can do is show up, sit down to my computer and write anyway. Write anything, even if it is terrible…it might eventually turn into something good…if I can actually get to stay on the page without IT disappearing. ;0) Thank you for your beautiful writing- for the courage to give your fears a voice and remind us that ours are okay too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The what-if’s. I battle with them daily but the biggest, baddest of them all is the what-if I’m not good enough. I think you hit it right on the nose though, when you said the only thing you can do is write anyway. When you don’t think you can, do it anyway. As long as we all stick together…what’s the worst that can happen? We could fail, but for a girl who writes about failure, all that means is that I’ve got my next inspiration. Thank YOU for taking the time to stop in….and congrats on your article in the Washington Post! You must be doing something right ❤

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