Cractpot Complaints

Deer crashes through Kitchener Tim Hortons window

‘We thought a car was coming through,’ staff member says

CBC News Posted: Sep 19, 2016 3:41 PM ET

An actual headline in Canada on Monday because, well, getting a double double at Tim’s has become such a part of our Canadian culture that even the local wildlife is looking to get a little taste.

Or maybe,

just maybe,

this deer, like many other Canucks, had just about had it with Canada’s iconic coffee dealer.

Lately, going through the drive thru at your local Timmie’s and getting the correct order has an approximate success rate that lies somewhere between winning the lottery and getting struck by lightening.  I challenge you to find a Canadian among us who hasn’t driven away, ready to savour that much anticipated first sip of steeped tea only to be surprised with someone else’s black coffee.  Or the bagel you asked for, toasted with butter, only to find it slathered with cream cheese.  Or the donut that has been shoved into the packaging so that the icing is now permanently fixed to the top of the bag instead of in your mouth where the sweet, chocolatey goodness belongs. 

 Now this deer probably isn’t unreasonable.  She’s Canadian after all.  As Margaret Mead says, “Britons put up with, Americans fix, Canadians cope”.  She’s a problem solver who doesn’t like to complain, so she most likely decided to start going into the restaurant so she could check her order before driving off to her morning appointments to avoid the bitter taste of disappointment in her mouth. 

Unfortunately upon venturing inside the primary location of approximately 80% of Canada’s adult population each morning, you quickly realize that there might be a bit of a problem here.  The line up is through the door and it’s clear that priority is given to the drive thru, as car after car flies out of the parking lot while inside resembles the 401 during rush hour. They are usually either horrendously understaffed or conversely ridiculously over staffed with a clique of barely adolescent children.   If I had wanted my coffee constructed by a teenager with attention deficit disorder, I would have just stayed home and had my own make it.

In all fairness, the deer probably needed to take a deep breath of sweetly scented coffee air and admit to herself that this might just be the caffeine withdrawal talking.  She had worked in the service industry.  She understood how hectic it was.  People make mistakes and first world problems and all that.

But then

the icing on the chocolate dip…

Maybe this deer was on her way to a field trip with her daughter and they pulled up to get gas, only to realized that their water bottle had been left on the kitchen counter (please see attention deficit teenager comment above).  Happily, this deer had been around the block a time or two and had started to develop coping strategies to deal with small obstacles such as these with a box of extra’s.  Extra hats, supplementary socks, spare mittens and among others necessities, empty water bottles.  Mama deer, quite pleased with herself, circumvented dehydration (and the disapproval of the other parent volunteers and teacher by not providing basic necessities) by sending her little fawn into the Tim Hortons attached to the gas station to get it filled with tap water.  Now as much as the deer would have loved to spoil herself with a steeped tea, double double (fine, FINE…triple triple) she had already had 2 coffees at home that morning.  Not to kick a gift horse in the mouth, but after receiving her first coffee made by the oldest, so weak it resembled dish water, the youngest over compensated on the second attempt, so that the java was so strong it was less sipped and more chewed, so she already felt like she had exceeded her caffeine level for the day. (side note: revisit coffee making tutorial with the minions, I mean children…I mean fawns?)

The point is, the young fawn felt wary entering a building and not buying anything, but was assured that Canadians had certainly invested enough into the Tim Horton’s brand for them to spare a little tap water. With her bright red water bottle and manners in tow, she trotted into the restaurant looking for a little northern hospitality.

As Mama deer finished pumping the gas, the fawn came out shrugging her shoulders. 

“They said they wouldn’t do it without making a purchase.” 

After picking her jaw up off the floor, Mama deer probably saw red and maybe that’s why she jumped right through that glass window (or possibly it had to do with the cup of coffee she ate that morning, but either way, her adrenaline was pumping)

Ok, You know what, I’ll admit it. This is my story; I am the deer.  And I was fuming. 

I walked into that building and as soon as they saw me coming, water bottle in hand, the girl behind the counter had the decency to look ashamed.  But because I’m Canadian, and Tim Hortons is my legacy, I let them have it Canadian style.

“I’m so sorry, my daughter just came in here looking for water and was told she couldn’t get any?  I’ll pay for it, if necessary, I just don’t want to buy another plastic water bottle that is just going to add to our landfills.”

I know, it was probably a little bit harsh, but as I said, I was all fired up.

The cashier blamed head office policies but quickly took the canteen out of my hand to fill.  As the rest of the staff congregated around the sink they whispered and rolled their eyes at the nerve of the mother who would dare ask for tap water while I struggled to maintain my composure and stop my eye from twitching. 

As she returned to the counter I asked to speak to the manager, and the middle aged ring leader of the water cooler gang strode over looking for a fight.  Before I could even open my mouth she repeated mulishly, “head office say’s we’re not suppose to”

I very calmly asked for head office’s phone number so that I could complain to the people making the policies instead of the minimum wage employee’s that are forced to uphold them, but the manager sneered that it wouldn’t make a lick of difference.

I chuckled good naturedly and agreed that she might be right but just in case head office wanted to know that a lot could be forgiven with a simple cup of water, I would appreciate the number.  I was told to go on the website to find it.

I thanked the lady and as I turned to leave, she called to me,

“make sure you tell them we were nice to you”

Oh, I’ll make sure to tell them exactly what happened. 

But unfortunately there is no one to tell.

The Tim Horton’s website does not actually have a contact number and in fact directs you back to the restaurant owner to resolve any issues with customer service.  There is a customer service online survey, but strangely ,there is not an option to click, “upset because my thirsty daughter was denied the common courtesy of tap water”. 

So  instead, I’m telling you. 

With the help of a Kitchener deer that gave her life for the cause. 

Now I have never asked for anything from you before fellow Cractpots.  And don’t worry, I’m not asking you to do anything crazy like give up your regular coffee although I do have it on good authority that Mickey D’s has a cup of joe that is surprisingly and consistently amazing. 

I will ask you to share the crap out of this post.  Share it with your family, share it with your friends and maybe eventually it will get shared with someone that knows someone that works at Tim Horton’s corporate office. 

We’ll forgive you when our variety pack of Tim Bits has no variety.

We’ll forgive you when our bagels have too much cream cheese, or not enough.

We’ll forgive you when we’ve rolled up the rim everyday for the last three weeks and still haven’t even won a stinkin donut.

But I’m not sure I can forgive you for denying a little girl a glass of tap water. 

I mean I might.  I’m not sure. 

But it wasn’t very nice, eh?

Sincerely,

T

You piss off an American and (he says) “that’s it I’m getting my gun”. You get a Canadian angry and (he says) “I am writing a God damned letter”~Glen Foster (that Canadian Guy)