Following Halloween, social media was flooded with videos of children tricked into believing that while they were sleeping their trusted parents had gorged themselves on ALL of their hard-earned candy. Thank you Jimmy Kimmel.
I like a good laugh as much as the next , but this goes against one of my cardinal rules. Do not lie- Not even on little things- because there will be a time you need me to believe you when thousands wouldn’t, and that has to be earned.
Case in point.
Following Halloween, the bickering between my children reached a level that began to interfere with my Jimmy Kimmel video watching time until I finally felt I had to get up and referee. My incredibly organized and apparently slightly suspicious middle child decided this year to create a complete inventory of her Halloween candy. Thanks to her meticulous record keeping, she had absolute proof that within 72hrs she had lost 3 Smarties, a Ringpop, 2 Kitkat, 1 package of Starbursts and 4 lollipops.
After separating the other two to ensure they couldn’t collaborate on their stories, I traipsed back and forth between bedrooms to shine a flashlight into my suspect’s eyes and demand a confession but to no avail. As far as interrogation techniques go I was short on options. I was one person shy of good cop, bad cop and water boarding is frowned upon in the parenting community. After several days with no breaks in the case, my daughter was begging for her one phone call and my son, smart enough to know the best defense is a good offense, swore that he was pretty sure he was also missing candy. We were clearly getting nowhere.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this important message. Our dog is an Australian Sheppard cross; a smart working breed who needs constant stimulation to keep out of trouble. One of the reasons we foster animals is in fact to provide stimulation and frankly, the constant stream of small dogs and kittens that pour through the house is easier to explain to the neighbours than a herd of sheep. We lock him up when we’re out to minimize any damage , but regrettably he is fully capable of opening doors and escaping not only his room, but sometimes the house entirely to roam the streets in true wild dog fashion, randomly barking at strangers as a way of establishing dominance. It makes meeting new neighbours awkward. Regardless of his Houdini tendencies, we persevere because honestly, it’s just a matter a time before he manages to change the locks on us and I’m hoping closing doors will buy us some time. But I digress…
Following Halloween, while doors still present no challenge we hadn’t found evidence of misbehaviour and felt that finally, maybe we were turning a corner.
Unfortunately, if it’s too good to be true, it probably is and yesterday I arrived home to the dog gorging on my kid’s hard earned Halloween candy. Actually gorging is entirely the wrong word. If he had been gorging I could have saved myself countless hours of cross-examination. I’m no Sherlock Holmes but if I was the victim of a Jimmy Kimmel type prank and it was all the candy (wrappers included) I’d cry out, “It was the dog, in the library, with the candlestick!” His restraint however was enviable; one box of Milk Duds, a lollipop and a Coffee Crisp. His technique? Flawless; I am sure he left the wrappers and lollipop stick as a way of framing the kids.
On the bright side, I was given a real life situation to help impress upon the children the need to always tell the truth. It was the dog who masterminded the plot to pilfer the Halloween supply, a little at a time so as to not attract attention with a back up plan of setting up the siblings to take the fall.
I hope you believe me.
I can’t make this stuff up.
The truth lies in a bowl of tea. ~Nambo Sokei